An excerpt from Sunday's
mission report of an agent that encountered rampaging, malfunctioning
robots at a shopping mall:
At this time, we were
attacked by a Cleaning Bot. “Help me relax, so I don’t have to
wax, keep the floor clean.” Why do we program these bots to project
themselves as sentient? Their entire mechanical purpose is to clean.
Why is this one requesting a reduction in his labor?
I move Nassarius away from danger and
follow the unit into formation.
“Please drop your valuables for me, I
accept tips.” Again I have to question the intent of the command.
Are the robots collecting tips for the creators? The maintenance
crew? Themselves?
Jones makes a strange request for me to
throw trash. I assume this is some sort of gleamed information
regarding the robots purpose. Jones nanite-swarmed the robot. He was
then counter attacked and made a tactical dodge. UG training pays
off.
“You drop it I mop it.” This
cadence seems much more sensible.
I move Nassarius against a wall, and
deployed the contents of the local trash receptacle, as per my ally's
request. Ka repositioned within my peripheral view, so I monitored
his blind spots, with Nassarius to my rear.
The robot attacked Jones. I believe he
was hit. Ka discharged his weapon into the combat zone. It is
reasonably assumed that his attack was successful.
“Please don’t litter, it makes me
bitter.” This is the 3rd abnormal statement made from
the malfunctioning robot...
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